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I thought my heart was broken last week, but now I know it is. There is no redemption for this damned, my sin is eternal and can never be forgiven by the one I wronged. All because I was worried for her. I loved her, my heart beat for her. Now I wish it would stop beating. Why couldn't God have taken me last week? Why can't I stop my hurting? Lindsay, I'm sorry I'm so sorry.
I can't take it, my heart be still.
I can't take it, my heart be still.
still here
I'm still here, but it's been rough. I finally got to visit Japan, went on my own to prove to myself that I could. That I would be ok alone. If you really know me then you know I've had a lot taken from me. Any time I tell people I love or care about them. I lost so many of my family, my friends, my pets, even my hobbies. Come to this week I found out that one of my favorite conventions is in deep trouble and that last year may have been it's last. Now I've found out my mom has Cancer. I can't take it anymore. From now on I won't say I love you to anyone ever again. I won't say I miss anyone. Keep my favorites secret. It's ok, I've proven to myself that I can do this.
Devious Journal Entry
It's been over a year since I went to the hospital, meh, shouldn't bug me but the betrayal of a friend never heals. They say that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have to wonder if that was translated from another language, because I think it makes you harder. My heart continues to grow hard and while it's broken before it's healed. Yet since it's become harder and harder those breaks are not healing. Meh, doesn't seem to matter much anymore. I have noticed people fear me, they actively avoid me. I loved this when I was a kid, only the dumb would pick a fight with me. And only those that truly needed me seeked me out. No fake pers
Better
So I am doing better, I've got a new job. I still have a bit of anxiety thanks to the last job, but when you live so close to the incident it's difficult not to. I still have no idea what is going on with my heart, I've been to doctors and they don't know. My blood pressure is pretty good so I can only think that is related to stress. But I've been working out doing Jason David Franks workout plan minus the pushups.
Moving on, I have had some fun at FanX and Fantasy Con. I hope to go to Anime Banzai but it doesn't look like I will at the moment. So here is crossing fingers.
Good news and bad.
So I will start with the good, I passed both my classes last semester. I really don't know how to be truthful. I have started a new semester with character development which is still very intimidating. Also a class I failed last spring, I hope to pass this time. I still think that it is a useless class for my major but what ever even those that fail in life need a job right?
Now for the bad news. I have been having chest pains since last year. I have tried to get it taken care of, even talking to a doctor about it. But they are only getting worse. So it may be my last year on this earth, I hope it isn't. I'm still fighting. If your religiou
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